Life always has its ups and downs, I guess I'm currently at the bottom of my life now. Everything seems so fucked up, and I'm totally clueless on how to solve it. First in my life time, I feel so lost and helpless. I can stare at the window in the bus for the whole journey and my mind is blank all the time.
Sometimes I wondered, is this part of growing up, being independent? Why must I go through the harder way compared to the rest? I'm not strong, I'm never strong. You people always get me wrong, because back then, I will never show you guys the weakest side of mine, only few of you have seen it. Even my parents, they thought I'm strong enough to go through all this. In fact, I'm not. I can't tell my parents that I regret coming here. This is not the right time to back out and I don't have the chance either. All I can do is keep it to myself.
I hasn't sleep well this few days, most of the time was awake at night till the sun rises. I'm so tired, both physically and mentally. I can even injured my leg, doing things wrongly, screw my test for no reason, and I cried till my eyes were too tired and heavy to open. I'm so sick of seeing myself being like this. I hate for letting myself got into this sucky situation, I hate for torturing myself. Don't make me pick up the bad habit again, I don't want to.
Living in a life without a soul, this is what I am now. I really miss myself back in the old happy days. I don't know how long I can stand living in this way, I can, may collapse anytime. By then, I'll seek for my soul and go back to place I belongs to.
Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard. All I want is my happiness and you.
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